By: Vinko Vasle
Hello, I am calling from Središnjica. We do public opinion according to your needs. No, you will not have to pay anything, we agree this with the customers. Yes, with political parties. There is nothing wrong with that – if they want a good result, they have to pay. For example, last year we made the Slovenian Dončić. Yes, yes, Marjan Šarec. A wonderful man, intelligent. Ah, come on, that professor of his genitals does not separate him from a combine harvester. It was a typical right-wing insult. I do not care if that professor is a member of the Social Democrats, there is only rubbish there. Well, here and there, so that there will be no resentment.
I wonder what you think of the Social Democrats. Yes, they have that wonderful leader, Tanja Fajon. Why are you stuttering? Do you have a speech impediment? You do not have it. Okay, then trust me, why do you like Fajon so much! Oh you do not? What do you have against her? That she is talking bad about the homeland there in Brussels? Do you not think you are exaggerating? Which TV programme do you usually watch? Yeah, I thought it was Nova24TV. Now just say that you are reading Demokracija magazine, and I will be very offended. No, it is not forbidden, but it is also not nice. Well, it is not yet forbidden, to be precise, because the coalition of the constitutional arc will make order. What fascism?! You are exaggerating a lot, the media just have to be truthful and professional. For example, I like to read Suzy, and I watch POP TV and I have never been accused of anything around opinion polls.
What methodology? I cannot explain to you over the phone these our complex patterns, ranks, and the like. Of course, it is possible, but still, that the SDS is always first if there were elections, and Janez Janša is nowhere among the first one hundred and fifty. It is not good to doubt science. I learned everything from Nik Toš. So what if he is Kučan’s, is he not a scientist then? He was doing public opinion even before you were born! I do not mean to insult anything, I just remember how the Party told him in the early 1970s that people are somewhat annoying and unhappy that they are ranting and raving the inns about the Party and the government in general. And he made public opinion poll, according to which 99.9 percent were satisfied. Those remnants, however, were from the social bottom and enemies anyway.
But where did we get your address and phone number? We do not have to threaten with this information. Our company Središnjica is not Janez Janša and we do not write letters to you, but we ask. I am wondering which of the politicians you like best. Janša? God help me. Okay, I wrote it down. Who will you vote for? Janša again? Are you so ignorant that you do not know anyone else? For example, Luka Mesec, young, economically savvy… Stupid, how? Do not express yourself that way. No, of course we do not have the most stupid category. But you probably have nothing against Matjaž Nemec – a determined politician, honest… Ah, come on, if he gets upset sometimes, he is just a little fiercer and it is not true that he almost hit the chairman Jože Tank. It is almost nothing. That he lies? You will have to prove that in court. And stop screaming. You are also undecided with Marko Koprivc? How, terribly determined? I do not tolerate threats.
Which party would you give your vote in the elections in full consciousness? SDS again! How boring you are. What about SAB? Why are you laughing? So you have not decided yet. Noted. Which of the politicians do you think deserves the most points on our scale? What are you, an addict – Janša again. What about, for example, Mrs. Ljudmila Novak? Why do you cross yourself, are you religious? You know, even unbelievers would give her their votes. She would be the ideal president of the country. Would you vote for her? Do not scream like that, I understood that you had not quite decided to vote for her yet. Do you know Golob? No, not the one that shits on your façade, like you said – I mean Robert Golob. No, I cannot write that in public opinion, and these adjectives of yours are really the height of obscenity. I almost do not dare to ask you why you will vote for the party of Mr. Tomaž Vesel or Igor Zorčič!
Hello, heeeloo??! I cannot hear well!
Indecent, he hanged up the phone. So next one.
Hello, ma’am, why would you vote for Tanja Fajon? Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Bratušek. Yeah, I will fix the pattern. Do you have our current account?
Vinko Vasle is a long-time journalist, publicist, satirist and writer.