By: Vinko Vasle
The interpellation was submitted to the parliament by a group of 38 MPs with the first signatory Marko Koprivc, a proud successor. Santa, a self-proclaimed world benefactor from the North Pole, presents himself as a rock of goodness, a hero, and the embodiment of messianism. We, the undersigned, believe that this is a sophisticated way of global clerical conspiracy with the help of Freemasons of the Order of Janez Janša, and that Santa Claus is, already for collaborating with the dictator and other world right-wing scoundrels, responsible for violent gifts giving, and is objectively and subjectively responsible for being.
Interpellators also reported Santa Claus to the Information Commissioner Mojca Prelesnik, as there is more than a reasonable suspicion that he has data and addresses of the recipients, which is a misuse of personal data. In the discussion, Robert Pavšič, the moral greatness of Marjan Šarec, emphasised that this is more than an indication that Santa is buying toys and other gifts with money of unknown origin in a suspicious way, from our budget. At the same time, it is not clear what margin he has agreed on and how he personally gets rich through these purchases. Therefore, Pavšič believes that Santa Claus is corrupt and that there are certainly documents that speak of his corruption. If there are not any, Pavšič pointed out, he burned them. Pavšič also mentioned the ominous case when last year LMŠ asked Santa Claus to prevent the formation of the government of Janez Janša, but he did not do so. Which means he is a rude bluffer and co-responsible for the current dictatorship.
Maša Kociper wondered how Santa can climb through the chimney if the circumference of his waist is known, so this is a pure lie. This is impossible even according to her theory that a big belly can go into a small chimney. Furthermore, Matjaž Nemec said that this means that Santa enters houses and flats illegally, without a court decision and it is not clear based on which law or regulations he does it. It is probably again the way this rude government works, which is governed by decrees and not by laws. He therefore advocates that Santa be banned because he is also a liar, a pervert, he is said to support neo-Nazis and he is a fascist.
Marko Koprivc loudly applauded this, claiming that according to our constitution, Santa Claus is also separated from the state, so he proposes that – when they win the elections – Christmas, Santa Claus and Christmas bonus be banned. Koprivc then spoke for two hours about reminiscences from 1945 to 1991, when Christmas was a practically illegal act, and immediately after the war also an attack on communism with a human face. He did not forget to mention that mainly religious fanatics of the Home Guard type were justifiably liquidated, that is, all those who also celebrated Christmas and adored Santa Claus. There are even a few known cases when Boris Kidrič – let him have easy land, Koprivc said – ordered the liquidation of some partisans who sang Holy Night in a barn on Christmas Eve. That is also why we bow to Kidrič, he proudly pointed out.
But in general, said cultural Violeta Tomić, Santa Claus is a capitalist icon and symbol, he advocates sexual imbalance because it is claimed that Santa Claus is a man and why is he not gay – she shouted, with his rampage of reindeers across the sky, he pollutes the atmosphere and tortures animals because reindeers are not meant to sprint across the sky. In addition, he abuses elves for slave labour and discriminates against children who are not diligent. Maribor-based political model Lidija Divjak Mirnik added that Santa Claus corrupts children from atheistic families, who are also forced to give gifts to children and force employers to give Christmas bonuses in violation of the constitution. And his ho-ho-hop advertising is a mockery.
Marko Bandelli wondered what kind of diploma or certificate Santa has, so that he can manage all this according to his illegal, mafia activity. He emphasised that even the diploma of Chief Justice Masleša is more transparent, although he does not know which one is the right one.
After 28 hours, they voted. The 8 most fanatical members of the Levica party and the Social Democrats voted in favour of abolishing Santa Claus. The others abstained because the Chairman of the National Assembly Igor Zorčič had previously warned them that there would be no Christmas bonus in this case.
Vinko Vasle is a long-time journalist, publicist, satirist, and writer.