By: Peter Jančič (Spletni časopis)
“The Slovenian government has been louder and more principled than other countries, which is why I say that strength and dignity do not come from size. You have a 47-kilometer coastline and one ship. Use it to break the blockade of Gaza – be an example, as you have been before.”
That is how Francesca Albanese revealed the plans of our state leadership on national broadcaster RTVS over the weekend. The same leadership had earlier received her and even proposed her for the Nobel Peace Prize. Preparations are already underway for boarding our only military vessel, Triglav, which we received decades ago from the Russians as part of a clearing debt. Our leaders plan to break through to Gaza during parliamentary recess, which starts tomorrow, something that the famous leftist activist Greta Thunberg already tried unsuccessfully with a civilian vessel that was not suitable for the mission. It had no weapons!
Albanese revealed these secret plans of our authorities in an interview with RTVS’s top journalist, Boris Vasev, who allegedly received help from Hamas for his thesis.
Albanese’s revelation on national TV, where our authorities, in the spirit of Hamas-style democracy, appointed directors and editors and have since been communicating only “the truth”, has so far failed to garner the public attention and support it deserves. Even the Gibanje Svoboda’s own portal, Necenzurirano, has yet to objectively report how magnificent the idea is: that the supreme commander of our army, Nataša Pirc Musar, will command Triglav as it breaks through to our friends from Hamas in Gaza.
Necenzurirano, after years of hard work for Prime Minister Golob, also deserves a vacation on Triglav. The brave endeavour of our military ship will also allow Robert Golob and Tina Gaber to enjoy an additional working holiday, one that nobody could accuse Tomaž Subotič of funding. And the expenses will be counted as part of the defence budget, which urgently needs an increase.
Moreover, Golob will be able to show his brave defiance of Donald Trump and the United States, which have stated they will no longer tolerate Albanese’s slander of the US and Israel. This, of course, was an outrageous pressure on the judiciary, given that Albanese calls herself an international lawyer, without having passed the bar exam. Which, in Slovenia, is the highest possible qualification.
Aboard the ship, Golob will also be able to give Necenzurirano direct and precise instructions on what to write about Janša and other rivals, including some within the government, so they stop shooting blanks in an election year. The list of who else from TVS and POP TV will be invited remains a secret. But we can be sure Marcel Štefančič and Tanja Gobec will be onboard.
On our only warship, no one in the media will dare criticise National Assembly President Urška Klakočar Zupančič’s outfit choices, or suggest that she should cover skin better hidden even from Bor Zuljan. Even though he supposedly likes all of her.
Some media have already been wicked, just like when they falsely suggested an intimate affair between her and Zuljan. Which happened. She responded this weekend.
The main and only war correspondent covering our leadership’s breakthrough to Gaza aboard Triglav will naturally be Boris Vasev, who published Albanese’s grand revelation and who will ensure media coverage remains “correct.” As always. Jewish community protests over his past reporting have proven this.
To make sure Vasev does not go off-message, Matej T. Vatovec from Levica will check in live three times a day from this peacekeeping mission of ours to the Middle East, with the only military vessel we have.
Heroic stuff.
Last time this ship went on an important international mission to help migrants, all three of its engines (and more) broke down right after departure. According to the laws of probability, this means it will likely make it at least out of the Adriatic this time. Engine failure will come later.
You know – Russian gear.
This will complicate our leadership’s charge toward Gaza a bit. The bright side? The Israelis will not be too upset, since the ship will not make it to their territorial waters anyway. Greta Thunberg’s touristy vessel, despite not being Russian, got closer, though it was ultimately turned back to Sweden. Gaza would have been too dangerous for the young lady.
Our politicians will eventually be flown back home in the magnificent Falcon jet, which the government bought under PM Anton Rop’s leadership for transporting the wounded. That is, if the jet is not broken. And if it can reach Crete, where NATO will eventually tow Triglav. And where it will stay on summer vacation.
Necenzurirano will remain there too, since there will not be enough room on the small Falcon. From now on, they will report directly from our only military vessel.
At least some use for it. And it is safer. Plus, it helps justify a bigger defence budget.