By: Vinko Vasle
The signatories of this prenuptial or marriage contract undertake to accept and will consistently implement the following items of the contract!
The signatories note that Robert Golob is bringing a multimillion-dollar fortune to his future marriage, which he keeps on his current account. In addition, he also brings himself into marriage. The other side of the law brings Marjan Šarec, Tanja Fajon, Alenka Bratušek, and Luka Mesec of unknown value. All parties note that KUL brings its political programmes to the marriage contract, and Robert Golob hopes and believes that he will come to power.
It is established that in addition to the above, Robert Golob is also giving his hair/hairstyle to the future marriage, which due to the symbolic and agitprop value is estimated at an additional 1.5 million euros, which KUL pays Golob in the form of a special monthly annuity. Both sides agree that Luka Mesec and Levica bring the Achilles’ heel of economics, a bayonet, and a vacuum cleaner into marriage. He also gives his spouses notes from his travels in Venezuela.
The past in the future
Both sides also agree that Alenka Bratušek adds to the marriage the ability to communicate in foreign languages with an emphasis on Slovene. She also brings into the law the formula of how to become a Member of Parliament if you are not elected, the way in which private banks are rehabilitated at the expense of taxpayers, while taxpayers are applauding. Bratušek also attaches to the marriage contract a plan on how to talk a lot about retirees and give them less so that they think they have got it.
The parties also note that Tanja Fajon and the Social Democrats bring to the marriage contract social and political concerns, the legacy of the party 1945-2022, the past in the future, and the 280-pages long party’s preliminary election programme. Tanja Fajon undertakes to provide a proof-reader who will carefully review the marriage contract and fix any commas. If necessary and if there is interest, the party will add a media law in the form of an annex to the prenuptial agreement, which it has in its drawer and whose author is Koprivc, more precisely Jak Koprivc.
It is established that Marjan Šarec and the party named after him bring a found towel, a boxing ring, the last reader from the local church, four planks and five boards, which he used in practical exercises at the woodworking academy. Šarec also brings a pool without water and a notarised statement from a professor that he is not guilty of defeating the previous coalition, because such a sexual organ is in the wrong place.
The other parties add an amendment to the contract that Šarec’s contribution to the marriage contract represents a minimum of a minimum, which will also be considered when the armchairs are shared. Šarec immediately added an amendment to the amendment, explaining that in this case he would throw the towel where it already was. The parties agree.
The parties note that in case they do not win the election, they determine the weakest link as the culprit. The property is divided like this!
Robert Golob and the Movement for Liberation from Fascism and Nazism if the culprit of the defeat is KUL, receive compensation in the amount of ten years’ gross salary plus annual awards from the contract with GEN-I.
If the blame for the divorce is on the side of Robert Golob, KUL takes note of this.
The marriage contract in the third special chapter – Lex matrimonium stipulates:
If the marriage wins the election, Robert Golob becomes Prime Minister regardless of the order of the number of seats won. In particular, he becomes the Prime Minister if his party does not come to parliament. In the event of victory, the Government Act will be amended in an expedited procedure, and it will be determined that the salary of the Prime Minister is twice the last income of Robert Golob from October 2021.
The signatories of the marriage contract also agree with the statement or axiom of Robert Golob that KUL is just KUL, and his party is something else entirely.
Immediately after taking power, it is necessary to adopt a lex specialis on the protection of the character and work of Robert Golob with appropriate criminal sanctions. In this case, the “shit like a pigeon” case is punishable by ten years of forced labour.
Vinko Vasle is a long-time journalist, publicist, satirist, and writer.